In Memoriam

Randall Stephen Tracey Beaton
June 20, 1952-October 28, 2010

Father. Friend. Outlaw.

Never forgotten, always loved.

Rest in peace, dad. You’ll always be with me, and everyone else whose lives you have touched and influenced.

You are loved,


M.A.S.K.! AAAAaaaaahhhhh!

Ah, dreams. You can never really be sure what they’re going to be about. I’ve actually been going through a period the last few months, where I haven’t been able to remember my dreams at all. I can usually at least recall a few pieces here and there, but lately it’s just been blank. Until last night, that is. I’m going to be writing this down pretty free form, so I’ll apologize now if my grammar and punctuation aren’t exactly perfect. I’ve also only been awake for 5 minutes or so, and my brain isn’t quite at 100% yet.
We’re having a party at my old house in Midland, well my parents are anyway. I’m in the basement watching reruns of Coach. The episode is about Hayden’s two sons (he had a single daughter in the actual show) as they prepare for a big school presentation. There was also a side story about a duck that is running loose around the school. The boys are having a hard time getting everything in order, and the stress of seeing some really good presentations before them is adding to it. Hayden is encouraging them, however, telling them that what they’ve done is incredible and they’re sure to win. One moment during a girl’s presentation, a duck waddles across the stage, followed by 2 guys with butterfly nets. The crowd, and the girl, pay no attention and continue on like nothing happened.
It’s the boys turn now, and the lights in the gymnasium go dark. Music beings to play, and smoke fills the air as the curtains open, and reveal LIFE SIZED FULLY FUNCTIONAL M.A.S.K. VEHICLES!!! The centerpiece being an enormous red truck decked out with missiles, and machine guns, and 2 giant speakers that were blasting Queen into the gym. Have you ever heard the theme song that Queen did for the Flash Gordon movie? “FLASH! AAAAHHHHH”? Well, that was the song that was playing, only instead of Flash, it was saying “M.A.S.K! AAAAHHHHH”. After all the explosions and gunfire were over, the crowd goes wild, and the Fox boys win first place. They’re given an enormous bowling trophy as a prize. Sometime later, Hayden is in his office with one of the guys who was chasing the duck on the stage. They’re having a coffee and talking about how great that presentation was, when the duck walks past both of them and flies out a window.
Excited to see if I still have any of my old M.A.S.K. toys around from my childhood, I run upstairs to ask mom where they might be. Who do I run in to but Craig T. Nelson! He’s been at the party the whole time, so I immediately start talking to him about the episode of Coach I just watched. He looks at me a little funny and says something like “It’s been a long time, kid. I don’t remember every show.” I decide to leave him alone and ask my mom where all my toys are, to which she looks at me and says “Kurt, wake up. You’re dreaming.” So I woke up.

Why can’t all dreams be this fun?

You damn kids! Get off my lawn!

There was a time when rock snobs, as annoying and pretentious they were (and still are to some degree), actually knew their shit. They were high and mighty because they knew they could school you with their vast musical knowledge. Are they even trying anymore?
I was on the bus this morning, and I came across an advertisement for the local hipster store. They’re pretty commonplace on buses, but for some reason this particular ad really irked me. The models showing off the products were your standard retro-rock fare: big glasses, Bowie make-up and band shirts. Fairly mild stuff, but it was the product descriptions that set me off. Instead of details of what was being sold, we get a written history of the bands on the shirts these seventeen year olds are wearing. These weren’t some flash in the pan ‘I-knew-them-before-they-were-cool’ bands that are all the rage right now, either. It was the fucking Rolling Stones, The Doors, and Guns N’ Roses!
Now, I have no issue with this new generation of kids grooving to The Doors. In fact, I would prefer it over 90% of the tripe produced today. But you should not be wearing the shirt of a band you’ve never heard of, or have only minimal knowledge of because your hippy music teacher mentioned “People are Strange” in between bong hits. Listen to the music, and make sure you actually enjoy the band before running out and spending retarded money on some “vintage” merchandise because that’s what the cool kids do.
Here’s where I backtrack a little, because there is a silver lining to all this. Having that snippet of info beside the T’s might very well encourage someone who doesn’t know what an Axl Rose is to find some GN’R, and then decide if an Appetite for Destruction shirt is right for them. Even so, I can’t help but think the store put these little history lessons up just to twist young wannabe minds into thinking “Ooh, This band is old! I bet I’ll be popular if I own their merchandise.”, and that is why it pissed me off.
Maybe I’m wrong, and this is just my ridiculously old-timey brain spouting off about ‘Kids these days.” I also feel a little hypocritical, since I’m basically complaining about scenesters by being one myself. The world’s funny like that.

Did I really say grooving?

We Masters! We run Bartertown!

Well, here we go.

Welcome to Master Blasters. A place where the two of us can sound off on video games, movies, comics, and anything else we want to talk about. And you’ll like it, or we’ll find you.

So, welcome! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. It’s sure to be… entertaining. If only in that ‘watching a train wreck’ kind of way.

Until next time,

D and K